Your Gonna get Spank'd

REVISION:
Song of my Mood: Spank - Kenny Wayne Shepherd Band feat. Kid Rock
So I've realized perhaps why i've had sleepless nights anxiety attacks, the desire to branch out and try new things is because i fear what may becoming in my life next, Getting out of my Racial Starting zone. What i mean by that is that I am becoming full fledged adult goign to work my "dream job" as soon as i get picked up by a church who has assessed they need someone like me. I'll have to pay bills, get married, pay taxes, trudge through the mire of adult life to get tidbits of happiness until i retire. I am grossly exaggerating my claim perhaps but it is how i feel.

This Thursday is nerve-racking as i have to speak in front of aspiring peers to talk to them about my 'real-world' experience and the senior project i developed and culminated to present what the world taught me and what i gave to the world through the eyes of my studies. Sometimes i felt like i learned nothing but what i tell people at parties says otherwise. My Brain is a sponge but my fear and self-consciousness is a stumbling block for what i know.

THen comes my alias on YT, WoW, etc. I know these (you) people are real. Its therapy to share what's on my mind in twitter and on my blog here, hell its like LJ all over again when i was in high school and trying to fit in. Then this perfectionist in me wanting to beat the pants off you and be better than you guys but also that desire to want to fit in and befriend. I wonder what is wrong with my sometimes.
And don't get me wrong i understand you guys deal with your own problems just like I but sometimes i would like a piece of that limelight pie thinking it would take away some of my insecurities and problems by feeling accomplished somewhere in life.

Anyways like all good books this chapter ends.

~FIN~